If you are going to use sex toys don’t be cheap

Whatever happened to just having sex? With the advancement of modern technology some people are incapable of having sex without using a swing, glow in the dark lubricant, and an array of mechanical devices including power tools.

Of course some people see these tools, toys, and gadgets and don’t want to spend the money. Instead of buying that tube of Astroglide they decide that they can roll the dice by buying some PAM off the shelf. Instead of buying that dildo they look for phallic looking shampoo bottles.

And instead of using a high powered dildo attached to a power saw (without a saw blade) they decide to just put the saw blade into a dildo and cut their partners nether regions like these idiots:

LEXINGTON PARK, Md. – Some sexual experimentation landed a southern Maryland woman in a hospital with injuries tough to imagine and even more difficult to forget.
Maryland State Police airlifted the 27-year-old woman to Prince George’s County Hospital Center early Sunday morning after she was injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade, TheBayNet.com first reported.

The man who called 911 about the incident admitted attaching the sex toy to the saw and then using the high-powered, homemade device on his partner, according to the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office.

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.

Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff’s office said.

Now I am not a construction guy, I don’t own a lot of power tools, but I can grasp the basic concept of how a saw works and could right off the bat tell you that this probably wasn’t a good idea. Haven’t these idiots ever cut a roll before? If you hold the roll and insert a knife into said roll then move the knife back forth you will probably cut through the roll.

Instead of a hand holding the roll in this case you have a vagina, instead of a roll you have a rubber cock, and instead of a knife you have a saber saw blade. The general principles still apply. The blade will cut through.

I guess there is a silver lining to this. The genital mutilation that occurred will probably stop them from breeding, which is really a good thing.

Now excuse me while I go fuck my fleshlight hooked up to a jackhammer.

Are you just convinced at this point that 95% of the population is functionally retarded?